RUBBERNECKING

http://www.dailycal.org/2012/03/23/foot-in-mouth-syndrome/

whatshouldwecallme:

Mind. Blown.

I’m taking my talents to South Beach. 

BMUN 60 was magical. From pioneering the Press Corps to watching the chairs I trained all year succeed, it’s hard to put into words what this weekend meant to me. 

For starters, it was the beginning of the end. Four years ago I came to Berkeley and didn’t have a clue where to go to find my niche. I met most of my best friends from high school through MUN, so I figured applying to the MUN program here would be the best place to start. So I applied to BMUN in the last hour of it’s application window and went to the interview. After walking out, I called my mom and said, “Well I don’t think I’m getting in, but I’ll find something else.” Four years later I became Chief of Staff for that very organization I figured I’d be excluded from. 

As I said before, I met my best friends from high school in MUN. When I think about my time in college, which is quickly coming to a close, a similar thought comes to mind. But there’s one small difference: I wouldn’t say I met my best friends in college through BMUN, I’d simply say that’s how I met my best friends, without qualifications. I’ve learned so much and grown in ways I never imagined as a result of my time with this family, and I’ve been such an emotional mess since Sunday morning because I’m coming to grips with the fact that I am moving across the country this summer. Friends that I’ve known for one year, two years, three and four, they’ve all shown me something new and pushed me to grow and become better. 

I’ve never been one to cry, but on Sunday I definitely teared up on more than one occasion. Seeing the babies get up and talk about their year was inspiring, but it only made me wish that I could be around to watch them grow the same way I grew. It’s a strange thing, growing up, and it’s as unfair as it is inevitable. 

I remember sitting around with seniors in the past after their last conference had ended, thinking, “How will we ever fill this void? They were such a big part of my life.” The truth is I’m not sure you ever “fill” the void. You make a new space, you meet new people, you make new memories, but you can never replace anyone. Selfishly, for the people I’m leaving, I hope this is the case. 

It’s been a short four years, filled with ups and downs, stresses and setbacks, but it’s been beautiful. I can honestly say I found my niche, and am so proud of the things we accomplished together. This family that I thought I wasn’t going to be a part of turned out to be the thing I’m most proud of. I love everyone I’ve met through BMUN, and will never be able to replace any of them. 

As late as Sunday night, Jason said to me, “It’s not over.” I thought that was a pretty strange thing, considering our conference was over, and he and I would no longer be leading meetings together, but then I remembered that line from Journey: Oh the movie never ends, it goes on and on and on and on. 

So it goes on, even if I’m not there. 

Sometimes I feel like I am him. Then reality smacks me in the face and I really just wish I was him.